Clinton Street Baking Company
Once upon a time in a two Chinese family town there existed the L*ms and the Hu**s, each struggling and speaking badly of one another in an attempt to dominate the lucrative eggroll industry. In such a town, the small Chinese community overlapped and interactions were unavoidable. Pleasantries were exchanged before the Sunday sermon while deceptive glances were cast during the off-key butchering of How Great Thou Art.
The exact transgressions were never clearly outlined, but understood by all. Each family member had their respective adversary of the opposing family, dictated by age approximation. Nearing the age of 80 did not exempt one from this policy. Those who did not have a counterpart where either written off as too bookish for recognition or confused with his older brother, the one that did not wear glasses. The responsibility of each individual was to excel in the areas of beauty, intelligence, dental hygiene, native language, mother tongue and hours logged manning the restaurant front counter, and eclipse their analogue in these same areas.
We were not the family that caught that case of head lice. We were not the family that received a score of 4 out of 10 on 'Behind the Kitchen Doors.' We were not the family that threw ladles and woks at one another in front of customers.
Though the ultimate goal was to out succeeding the other, there was a gentleman's agreement that barred any licentious behavior - no tires were to be slashed, no MSG to be misplaced. This diligence and hard work itself would be rewarded by eternal salvation accompanied by two ponies from heaven bearing golden carts of gold, nectar, root vegetables and more ponies. Slow and steady would win the race, even if the race killed you.
This silent betrayal was shattered with a transposition by the opposition. Within a period of a month, we noticed a slew of misdirected phone calls intended for the establishment of the other camp. The orders were filled and we delighted in the extra $1.99 and lamented the misfortune of our neighbor. However, this glorious schaedenfraude could not last forever.
One day while purusing the local directory of ethnic offerings, it was noticed that we were listed immediately after our friendly competitors. With the change of a 'u' to an 'o' we were now cleverly separated by merely half a point of spacing rather than the expected 10 restaurant buffer. How many of our lunch specials had they plated? How many of our loyal patrons would no longer enter our glass doors and ask me why that cat's paw was giving the 'Sieg Hail' sign? My innocence was irrevocably destroyed that day.
Anyway, I believe this is why I have noticed some heavier reader traffic to this site after I titled one of my entries as a bastardized version of a popular video website. That's all I meant to say.
The exact transgressions were never clearly outlined, but understood by all. Each family member had their respective adversary of the opposing family, dictated by age approximation. Nearing the age of 80 did not exempt one from this policy. Those who did not have a counterpart where either written off as too bookish for recognition or confused with his older brother, the one that did not wear glasses. The responsibility of each individual was to excel in the areas of beauty, intelligence, dental hygiene, native language, mother tongue and hours logged manning the restaurant front counter, and eclipse their analogue in these same areas.
We were not the family that caught that case of head lice. We were not the family that received a score of 4 out of 10 on 'Behind the Kitchen Doors.' We were not the family that threw ladles and woks at one another in front of customers.
Though the ultimate goal was to out succeeding the other, there was a gentleman's agreement that barred any licentious behavior - no tires were to be slashed, no MSG to be misplaced. This diligence and hard work itself would be rewarded by eternal salvation accompanied by two ponies from heaven bearing golden carts of gold, nectar, root vegetables and more ponies. Slow and steady would win the race, even if the race killed you.
This silent betrayal was shattered with a transposition by the opposition. Within a period of a month, we noticed a slew of misdirected phone calls intended for the establishment of the other camp. The orders were filled and we delighted in the extra $1.99 and lamented the misfortune of our neighbor. However, this glorious schaedenfraude could not last forever.
One day while purusing the local directory of ethnic offerings, it was noticed that we were listed immediately after our friendly competitors. With the change of a 'u' to an 'o' we were now cleverly separated by merely half a point of spacing rather than the expected 10 restaurant buffer. How many of our lunch specials had they plated? How many of our loyal patrons would no longer enter our glass doors and ask me why that cat's paw was giving the 'Sieg Hail' sign? My innocence was irrevocably destroyed that day.
Anyway, I believe this is why I have noticed some heavier reader traffic to this site after I titled one of my entries as a bastardized version of a popular video website. That's all I meant to say.
posted by lex @ 7:40 PM
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