Worms, horses and disabled mice

My subscription to numerous cultural/political listserves, the haphazard distribution of my email to others, and the immense amount of downloading music files and various types of media has put me on the cutting edge of virus technology. I am usually able to scoop McAfee on what worms are changing my home page to porno sites or what email virus has disabled all of the functions of my computer.

The latest infection the cool kids are sporting is W32/Mytob.ca@MM. This slick new worm “combines W32/Mydoom@MM functionality with W32/Sdbotworm functionality” (credit McAfee website). I’ve always wanted the functionality of Mydoom, but still wanted to retain the distribution capabilities of Sdbot. Now I’ve got it! And it’s perfect! Well, I’m not exactly sure that I have it, but whatever I have renders any clicking useless. The list of disabled functions is quite extensive; I don’t know if my ARR.EXE is working and I haven’t had to access NEOWATCHLOG.EXE for some time, but nothing works and everything is listed, so I’m going with yes to infection.

As is such, I am devoting the morning to scouring websites to find the right McAfee AZT cocktail so that I can continue my reckless computer prostitution. Luckily, this worm is easy to remove. I only need to start up – wait that is disabled. Then I can download, umm that route is closed off as well. I will attempt to use my technological inept, old school technique of unplugging my power source and then crying. My only form of contact with society has been rendered inoperative, so I unable to alert anyone. But look out for that email I send you, it will contain “IMPORTANT INFORMATION.”